Life, Love and the Everyday

"Life holds few distinctions, my dear. But I think we may safely boast that here sit two of the silliest girls in England." - Mr. Bennett, Pride & Prejudice. Mr. Bennett was wrong, life holds distinctions every other day - and silly girls don't just exist in England. Out of all the Bennett girls in Pride & Prejudice, I can relate to Lydia the best. She was a hard-core dreamer and romantic, just like I was at fifteen. That didn't change - until today when something just clicked in my brain; it sounded like one of those game show buzzers and I felt the ringing vibration in my ears like I do whenever I have a great idea or revelation. In this particular case it was a revelation as clear as a Swarvoski crystal. Dreaming is awesome but it can be disheartening when you are in your head so much that you cannot reconcile dreams with reality. And maybe that is why I feel like I am on the rat-wheel, why I felt torn between my passion and my dream....

I may seem happy-go-lucky and usually, I am. I have goals, visions and dreams about the kind of person I want to be - which is brave, strong, competent and confident, successful and happy. I know that I am strong and happy. But the rest of my "I want to be..." list is still a work in progress. Right now I feel like I am running on a rat wheel which keeps me running faster and faster, I don't know to bring that rat wheel down to a more manageable speed, or if I am running hard enough to keep the rat wheel turning. I'll be honest with you, sometimes it feels like I am not really getting anywhere at all. I know that sounds pathetically melodramatic, I have been accused of being a drama queen more than once. I kind of have this fear that things will stay the same - and I know they will, if I don't play my part to change them. I don't want to stay on the Rat Wheel anymore, I want to run along the path that I created for myself, brick by brick. And I know what ...

LIFE... As I was having an inner-hissy fit this afternoon and was considering putting it up on FACEBOOK - something like: "Hello Hormones! I have not seen you in ages! Why did I want to grow up so bad?!" - I realised that there is a big difference between Getting Older and Growing Up. Getting Older is pretty obvious - growth spurt, hair growth in alarming places - I look like a pin-up for the dark side of puberty right now and I am twenty five for goodness sake! Then there is Growing Up - which is more of an internal change; whether its having more patience, handling tricky situations with more thought and discernment, knowing that what you do or don't do today affects you, the people you love, your tomorrow, foreseeable future and the future. I like to think I have grown up - although I guess other people would know better! And no - in case you are wondering I did not post that little rant on FACEBOOK, I am trying to keep my sharing to a minimum. Yes, Growing Up is...

LIFE: I think it is safe to say that Winter has fled Brisbane and Spring has taken over its rent. The sky is a lovely light blue and the sun is hiding behind ivory clouds. No harsh wind but a gentle breeze stirs. I see odes to Spring everywhere, mostly in fashion. Everywhere I look there is a cluster of bright colours; red, pink, orange, yellow and green. On the whole, life is going really good. I have a new motto which is "Work hard, Play harder" and that is the way I like it. Learning to breathe a little deeper and just enjoy the here and now rather than think "Once I do this, I can have that", "When I have a job I can do more", it took me awhile to realise that having mentality is not productive, as well as utter hogwash! LOVE: A. and I are going strong, we are making the most of everyday and are in the process of arranging two holidays; Melbourne for Christmas with his relatives and Sydney next year in 2015. I love Brisbane, but every now a...

OKAY...so that was a pretty hectic week! Yesterday was my fifth day back in the work place, I have been blessed with quite a few shifts. I think it was a sheer miracle that I finished the week, because I have been fighting off a cold. Sore throat, runny nose, coughing up phlegm but it wasn't bad enough for me to stay in bed all day - no siree! I can't stay at home if I know that there is another staff member who is way more sick than I am and still turns up! In Brisbane the evenings seem to stretch on endlessly, which is great if you have white blinds and want to get a few of extra hours sleep in! The mornings are frigid and I feel like giving the evil-eye to people who are running around in singlets! Not that I can talk, on Monday I wore a long shirt beneath my work uniform and a cardigan and I think that is why I have been sick. Being back at work has been really awesome, it seems I have been able to pick up where I left off last year; although there is something...

How exactly did I realise that I am ill-equipped to offer support and advice to people? Some people, within moments of meeting me. Tell me what hurts them most, because I am a good listener and offer them a shoulder to cry on. But there is one thing about me that these people do not know, I do not have the answers; even though my advice is sound, I feel helpless because I cannot fix their problems. Ever feel like what you say isn't enough to help your friends and family and people in general? Like everything you have experienced is so far removed from what their life experiences have been and you want to help them but don't feel qualified to give them advice on life and everything in between? Yeah, well, I've just joined that club. I even mentally thought of a poem in my head. If I had a crystal ball I'd tell you everything you want to know. I'd sit down on the couch beside you, to help you figure out where to go. I used to want to be a counsellor beca...

After finally receiving my Blue Card in the mail and beginning my Diploma studies in Childcare - the icing on the cake would have been when my old work called me up on Thursday afternoon and asked me to do a 7:15am-4:15pm shift. I woke up at 4:30am  because I was a tiny bit nervous and excited about going back to work after a year off. It was ten degrees when I walked out the front door, dressed in my old work uniform carrying my bag with everything I needed for the day. Waking up early may be a pain in the ass, but there is something truly magical when you watch the day begin. Because my connecting bus would not have got me to my destination in time, I opted for a taxi and hurried back home quickly so I would be there when it arrived. My taxi driver was a nice fellow, we talked about it being my first day back at work, how important the first five years of childhood is before talking about Aboriginal and Australian history, which I have been studying in childca...