The Rat Wheel

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I may seem happy-go-lucky and usually, I am.
I have goals, visions and dreams about the kind of person I want to be - which is brave, strong, competent and confident, successful and happy.
I know that I am strong and happy. But the rest of my "I want to be..." list is still a work in progress.
Right now I feel like I am running on a rat wheel which keeps me running faster and faster, I don't know to bring that rat wheel down to a more manageable speed, or if I am running hard enough to keep the rat wheel turning. I'll be honest with you, sometimes it feels like I am not really getting anywhere at all. I know that sounds pathetically melodramatic, I have been accused of being a drama queen more than once. I kind of have this fear that things will stay the same - and I know they will, if I don't play my part to change them.
I don't want to stay on the Rat Wheel anymore, I want to run along the path that I created for myself, brick by brick.
And I know what holds me back.
Fear.
Of always being on the rat-wheel because I was too afraid to say "enough" and stop running aimlessly, letting myself and my loved ones down if I don't succeed. That would hurt more than anything else.

So this is me. Waiting for the Rat-Wheel to slow down a little before taking a leap of faith, because I want to change the "I want to be..." to "I am..."
Wish me luck!

-Sarah

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