Soul Explorer

     

When I was in my teens I went for walks everyday after school. I'd relish the independence of being on my own without people telling me what to do, how to do it, when to do it - that's the craving of every teenager. Freedom to choose. I'd plug my ears with head-phones and drown out the white noise of cars driving by and do a thirty minute loop. I used to live walking distance to by aunt and uncle and would drop in to visit them. That was my happy place, an escape from the crazy life of being a teen and also was my exercise. That's how I maintained my size 14 frame and without knowing it back then, that was me practicing self-care. 

Fast-forward thirteen years later and its only been the past few years that I have had an idea of what that means. Not just in relation to what I put in my mouth but what I'm thinking and who I hang out with. 

Last week I sitting in front of the television on a Sunday afternoon and I suddenly had an urge to step outside and find myself somewhere I don't know. I craved the sight of towering trees and soft, green grass and I acted on that inclination. I found myself five minutes from my house, completely surrounded by trees that probably had been there since the beginning of time and I walked along a concrete trail, listening to the soft but strong song of the birds and felt everything I was thinking and worrying about slip away. While walking down this trail, I noticed a beaten path and wondered where it went. It was beginning to get dark and I decided to come back another day and promised to hold myself accountable to find out what was down that mysterious, inviting path. 

Six days later at 2:00pm, I decided I could not wait another day to find out so I packed a bag with a drink bottle, a note-pad and pen incase spontaneous inspiration struck as well as my phone 

and told Alan I would be home in an hour or two.

Along the way to the beaten path I took photos of trees, birds and flowers and breathed in the fresh smell of trees and water. All the while being mindful of snakes, spiders or anything that seemed potentially dangerous. As I walked along the beaten path the concrete trail disappeared and I realised I was the only human soul in that moment in time, in that space.

I marveled at that a little, I usually like company for outings like this because what if something went wrong? Five minutes later I found where the beaten-path led, to a fallen tree that would have once stood tall and imposing. Now it lay dejectedly on the ground, it's roots ripped out of the ground and it had been tagged with graffiti and none of it pleasant. Apparently somebody wasn't happy there was no weed to be found and wrote as much on the poor tree. Another turd wrote their initials, maybe the same person who came looking for weed. At that moment I had an epiphany, this tree represented what humans fear. Falling down through no fault of our own and having people write their opinions on us. I contemplated that for a moment as I made my way back to the trail and once I was on it, started to walk back to where it began. As I reached the end there was another opening in the trees which revealed two paths. I decided to find out where one of those paths led and as I walked along I took a video, wondering out loud why someone had strung up what looked like a clothes-line between two trees and why someone had tagged two trees with blue material. 

The why-for's have always fascinated me as a writer. 

Five minutes later, I came back to the same fallen tree I had left almost seven minutes before. 

To end up somewhere random is an accident, to end up there again is de-ja vu. 

What that fallen tree brought to my mind was a barrier. Maybe that tree represented a barrier in my life and if we leave barriers unbroken, they show up whole later on down the track.

 That could be why I found my way back there. Or maybe I found that tree again because its supposed to be a comforting reminder that its some where I know. 

That's something to ponder...

On my way out of the park I saw another tree, it stood tall and strong despite the many initials that were engraved in its bark, of the words people had taken time and energy to carve just to let the world know they had been there. 

It's amazing what nature can reveal to us about ourselves if we are willing to see. 

It can also open the doors of creation in our minds, triggering imagination and conjuring creativity. 

When I glimpsed a small mound of leaves growing I thought it would be a perfect place for fairies to live, they would live in the sanctuary the leaves provided, away from human eyes and there would be a fairy queen living in a castle under the soil where a feast is in full-swing. 

I feel this is something I need to do more of, searching and investigating - I have been thinking about a sport I can do well and enjoy, it looks like I have found it.