Hand-Prints & Seasons
Hand-prints are our personal identity, other than our souls. We have nineteen bones in our hands, all of them small like jig-saw pieces.
A family friend once read my palms, she knew enough to tell me that there would be two big loves in my life. One I would have when I was young, the second when I was wiser and the second would be constant. (True). I would also have two children. (Yet to be determined.)
And I would live long.
Years ago, my Mum went on a spiritual odyssey and took us with her.
Together we navigated Buddism, the New Age movement and reflected on our lives, how our choices had brought us to where we were.
What was the meaning of life and what the hell were we doing here?
It was a colourful and erratic journey full of wonder and questions.
Some questions our spiritual teachers could answer, others we had to dig deep in our hearts - the rest of the answers came with time, patience and prayer. But we did settle down in 2009 and turned back to God. Since then, our spiritual odyssey has been more smoother even though our lives have changed with the seasons.
As a writer I can appreciate what the seasons bring.
Summer is a time for growing, Autumn a time for harvesting and throwing away, Winter a time for waiting, Spring a time to plant.
Spring has just arrived, chasing away the cold of winter with its gentle breeze and optimistic sunshine.
But I feel my life is in a season of Autumn today.
Tonight I was sitting in the bath, staring at the backs of my hands as though I could read what would happen in the next chapter of my life-story. But I saw deep indents, swirly patterns - not much of a story there except the water was making my hands pruny - a rapid fast-forward to my early fifties, nonetheless, they were still beautiful hands.
These beautiful hands had touched fevered brows, wiped away tears, had held strong to kettle-bells and delicate flowers. I have to remember the good I have done, rather than dwell on my mistakes and failures which is something that I do ALOT. And I apologise.
I am the most apologetic person I know, it's fucking ridiculous.
I think I need to attend a Confidence workshop or something and maybe just pinch myself really hard every time I open my mouth to apologise for something dumb.
I am going through a Elizabeth Gilbert phase. I couldn't really relate to Eat, Pray, Love the first time I read it a few years ago. Earlier this year I read her latest book, Big Magic and since then I have been reading it like gospel when ever I need advice for my creativity.
Earlier this week I stayed up late crying over the praying scene from Eat, Pray, Love like I was watching the rainy kiss scene in The Note Book.
The next day I was walking and I prayed to God. "Please help me, help me...I'm so scared."
The way that I related to the Praying Scene from my own life was being who I am now.
Scared and apologetic. Those are two traits I wish I could sever from myself as easily as cutting baking paper with a kitchen knife.
Maybe that's why I am going through a season of Autumn. It's time for a change.
Time has taught me that I cannot put a lot of stock in the words of a family friend who turned out to be an accurate novice in palmistry and if I cannot change who I am, the seasons will.
- Sarah x
A family friend once read my palms, she knew enough to tell me that there would be two big loves in my life. One I would have when I was young, the second when I was wiser and the second would be constant. (True). I would also have two children. (Yet to be determined.)
And I would live long.
Years ago, my Mum went on a spiritual odyssey and took us with her.
Together we navigated Buddism, the New Age movement and reflected on our lives, how our choices had brought us to where we were.
What was the meaning of life and what the hell were we doing here?
It was a colourful and erratic journey full of wonder and questions.
Some questions our spiritual teachers could answer, others we had to dig deep in our hearts - the rest of the answers came with time, patience and prayer. But we did settle down in 2009 and turned back to God. Since then, our spiritual odyssey has been more smoother even though our lives have changed with the seasons.
As a writer I can appreciate what the seasons bring.
Summer is a time for growing, Autumn a time for harvesting and throwing away, Winter a time for waiting, Spring a time to plant.
Spring has just arrived, chasing away the cold of winter with its gentle breeze and optimistic sunshine.
But I feel my life is in a season of Autumn today.
Tonight I was sitting in the bath, staring at the backs of my hands as though I could read what would happen in the next chapter of my life-story. But I saw deep indents, swirly patterns - not much of a story there except the water was making my hands pruny - a rapid fast-forward to my early fifties, nonetheless, they were still beautiful hands.
These beautiful hands had touched fevered brows, wiped away tears, had held strong to kettle-bells and delicate flowers. I have to remember the good I have done, rather than dwell on my mistakes and failures which is something that I do ALOT. And I apologise.
I am the most apologetic person I know, it's fucking ridiculous.
I think I need to attend a Confidence workshop or something and maybe just pinch myself really hard every time I open my mouth to apologise for something dumb.
I am going through a Elizabeth Gilbert phase. I couldn't really relate to Eat, Pray, Love the first time I read it a few years ago. Earlier this year I read her latest book, Big Magic and since then I have been reading it like gospel when ever I need advice for my creativity.
Earlier this week I stayed up late crying over the praying scene from Eat, Pray, Love like I was watching the rainy kiss scene in The Note Book.
The next day I was walking and I prayed to God. "Please help me, help me...I'm so scared."
The way that I related to the Praying Scene from my own life was being who I am now.
Scared and apologetic. Those are two traits I wish I could sever from myself as easily as cutting baking paper with a kitchen knife.
Maybe that's why I am going through a season of Autumn. It's time for a change.
Time has taught me that I cannot put a lot of stock in the words of a family friend who turned out to be an accurate novice in palmistry and if I cannot change who I am, the seasons will.
- Sarah x
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