The Carousel

LIFE

Six days into my low-carb, no sweets cleanse. Tomorrow I'll be jumping up on the weight scales. I am fervantly praying that I have earned the results I locked in with my p.t last week. The goal was to lose two kilos and I hope to hell that I have, because I passed up two birthday cakes and four hot chocolates this week and right at this very moment, I am distracting myself (rather successfully) from the Cadbury Dairy Milk Chocolate Bar and Mars Bar that is lurking in the mini-bar in my hotel room. 

Even last night I was tempted when I went to grab dinner from the corner shop. I eyed off the Sara Lee Rich Chocolate ice-cream and a bottle of Barista Bros Iced Chocolate...I had even reached in to grab the Barista Bros Iced Chocolate when I imagined my p.t standing behind me, arms crossed and shaking his head. I thought about the progress I had made this week, all the wholesome cooked meals I had spent up to an hour making down the drain-pipe.

One thing I learned this week is that health is an investment. I'll give you an example.

The week before last I bought a plastic bag of pre-made lettuce and spinach for work.

I mixed a salad and added the lettuce and spinach leaves for lunch. Later that day in the lunch-room, I took one bite of my leafy green salad and imagined my taste-buds puking. It was a plastic taste that filled my mouth. But what did I expect? I had made the choice to cut corners. Instead of buying a crunchy, healthy lettuce and taking the time to cut it up - I had invested my finances and health into a pre-made mix that tasted like the plastic bag it had been put in. Since that fateful day, its been fresh food for me!

LOVE 

After four days without A. I am really excited to see him late tonight. That gorgeous man spoils me so! Since I am not working tomorrow A. suggested I wait for him here in town. Its a Sarah day today, silver clouds and rain make perfect for writing! I am tucked away in the hotel room, sipping English Breakfast tea and writing draft synopsis and query letters so I can type them up tomorrow on my lap-top.

I'm going to send a manuscript to three romance publishers tomorrow and cross my fingers.

& THE EVERYDAY 

 When I was eleven I realised I wanted to be a writer, when I was sixteen I realised I wanted to write romance novels. 

I have written alot of stories but so far, only a couple of people have read them. 

I have enough letters of rejection and encouragement that I could use as a paper weight and a couple of months ago I just stopped writing. 'Am I just chasing a pipe-dream?' I thought. 'Is my writing not detailed or polished enough?' 'Are people just humouring me when they tell me 'You're a really great writer!'?

Its a wild-wood out there in publishing - infact, I can say its like the dating scene. 

You get prospective publishers who seem too good to be true - then you do some media research and see red-flags every where.

Then you get publishers who want you to pay a small fortune with no guarantees of success.

Then you get publishers who play hard-to-get, the 'Don't call us, we'll call you' B.S.

And yet, that doesn't deter the romantic dreamers from getting back on the publishing carousel again and again. 

The exhilarating part of the writing process is giving the characters a happy ending after heart-ache and strife. 

And then...you realise the process is only half done. 

With any spare time you have, you edit and polish, add in and delete.

Then you research publishers, some of them are looking for agent-only and some are looking for 'new voices' and selective genres. As the weeks pass and the time-frame that you are supposed to hear from publishers draws near, there is still hope but its lagging everyday you don't hear news. This is a carousel that goes faster and faster until you have no choice but to let go.

Well, I must be crazy - because I'm getting back on that carousel! I'm going to choose a pretty white pony with a pink saddle and lilac bridle and I'm going to make the dream of my youth come true! 

And what's more - I'll won't let go of the reins this time. 

Because some dreams don't end when we wake up.

- Sarah x