Broken Relationships & Dignity

 

Proverbs 15:2

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

 

Sometimes we don’t have to tell each other that a relationship is over, simply dropping ‘out of touch’,  or ‘unfriending’  on Facebook and other forms of social media say it all for us these days if we need a clean break.

But what if this person is someone we love?

In a world which is undignified and over-reacting is a confronting (and often hilarious) scene in a week-day sit-com or a movie. Is it still possible to ‘break up’ with dignity?

What does dignity have to do with parting company?

Whether it is a friend or a steady relationship, sometimes things happen, stuff is said which makes us want to make certain hand-gestures and say things in the heat of the moment.

In those moments it is easy to forget the good times, how you both poured effort into building love and trust which unravels with a firm pull. Whether the tango was sabotaged or one partner stood on the other’s foot – the result is the same, the anguish of losing somebody we would have once said we loved as a brother or sister, or the toxic dart of disappointment and grief over a broken heart. Sometimes people do work things out and slowly put together the pieces of a fragmented relationship. Just picture a broken vase, it’s been glued back together; it’s got cracks and pieces missing. Although it may not be strong as it used to be, it has been cautiously mended and put in a very special spot where it won’t be easily knocked or reachable.

But in a lot of cases, what if the vase cannot be repaired?

What if all that remains are miniscule pieces of glass which cut your hands when you try to pick them up? What happens after you realise nothing is salvageable? 

There is the cliché over-reaction, I’ve-gotta-hurt-them-the-way-they’ve-hurt-me, they can go and jump in the creek for all I care! Better yet, I’ll take them fly fishing and leave them in the middle of the ocean with a flash light and life jacket! Ha-Ha! Take that!

And then…there is good ol’ fashioned (seemingly extinct) dignity.

However the story ends, these relationships; whether a steady relationship or a friendship – needs closure, a period of mourning so this happenstance does not bring any residue into how you feel about future relationships. But mostly, I feel that in this day and age where ‘Screw you!’ has become the norm; it is good to be decent about the termination of any kind of relationship.
If at all possible, it needs to be resolved with dignity.

 According to the Macquarie School Dictionary:

Dignity means-

1.       Nobleness of mind or manner

2.       A high rank or noble position

In 2006, there was a movie released called ‘The Break Up’ with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston.

It was like a mash-up of a game called Cat & Mouse and Brian McFadden and Delta Goodrem’s music clip for ‘Mistakes’.

At the end of the movie (SPOILER ALERT) Vince and Jen’s character’s make up with the promise of ‘catching up’, leaving the audience with the impression that they can be friends ... and maybe even more!

In 2011, Ginnifer Goodwin and Kate Hudson starred in a movie called Something Borrowed and played the roles of Rachel and Darcy, best friends who were like sisters and had a very strong bond – which was shattered over Dex, Darcy’s boyfriend and Rachel’s crush in law school.

At the end of the movie has a more dignified end even though it is not clear whether or not Darcy and Rachel will have each other in their lives, you can still see that they love and care for each other.

Stay tuned, you’re about to read about my own ‘dignity’ story!

At the tender age of nineteen, I had a boyfriend who was a few years older than I was.

We had been dating for four months and things looked great.

But when you are searching for the one you will spend the rest of your life with, you don’t want to settle for just ‘great’ – true love needs to be better than what you could share with anyone else.

*Pete gave me the best of example of dignity that I have never forgotten.

When he needed to end things with me, he didn’t tell me we were done in a text message, he didn’t call and say he ‘needed space’ or change his Facebook status on Facebook.

Instead *Pete drove an hour and a half to my house and solemnly told me his reasons for ending things. Guys like *Pete are truly decent and rare.

Even though I cried after watching *Pete climb into his car and drive off, I appreciated the gesture that he cared about me enough to drive half an hour a half for an eight minute conversation.

And because *Pete did that for me, I had no lingering feelings of anger and sadness.

 Since then, if I have ever had to part company with somebody; I like to let them know that I do care about them as people and that I wish them well. Easier said than done, but when two people can decide to be humble and dignified, it can be a beautiful, bitter-sweet moment.

And that’s why we need more dignity in our dealings with people so we can heal emotionally and not be afraid to reach out in fear of being hurt again. Forgiveness does not always lead to a reconciliation, otherwise this world would be perfect.

Perhaps if we can start by forgiving and wishing each other the best, maybe it will come pretty damn close.