Books, Baggage and Newfound Hope
Hello one and all!
I am sorry I have not written anything for awhile, to be honest I did not know what to write about.
However, a few weeks ago I decided to return to childcare and the first place I went to was - guess where? My old work. I have applied for a casual position there but I am also considering other childcare centres to put my resume in because as you know, casual hours sort of ebb and flow.
Also I am currently doing volunteer work in my church café on Fridays and love it so much that if I don't get a shift I feel somewhat deprive!. I enjoy working alongside three girls I have become quite close to and I love going home smelling like coffee-beans!
The skills I am sl-ow-ly acquiring give me a sense of fulfilment and anchor a glimmer of hope that there is a future for me in the work industry, I just have to find my niche.
I still want my book café dream but I have accepted that for now I need to stick with my current skill set and to my delight, I don't mind at all! I love children, God knew that we'd need reasons to laugh when we grew up so he gave us children so we could learn valuable attributes such as patience, unconditional acceptance, love and how to be good leaders.
I really hope that I will be a good Mum one day to my kids and raise them to run after Jesus, encourage them to chase their dreams and tell them that you cannot be afraid of life and tip-toe through it like I have done.
What else has happened?
I have lost two kilos.
I entered a poetry competition - fingers crossed I win the $300!
After watching somebody cook Coke on the stove and it turning to black, muddy sludge I gave up Coke for good. It's been five weeks and I no longer crave it. Yay!
I have been writing like crazy and sending query letters to publishers.
Playing house - cleaning, cooking, etc.
I have crushed my addiction to day time television, opting for an hour at the library instead.
Just to be clear, there is nothing wrong with day time television - but in my case I was beginning to organise my daily schedule around it and not getting as much as I wanted to done.
About five years ago I was at a Landmark Seminar and one of the ushers once told me.
"Time never stops, we run out of time." Now I understand what he meant, we can use our time productive or counter-productively but if we strike out we could miss an opportunity we didn't even know was there until it passed us by. That's real deep, I know!
On Thursday night I had a book-club meeting and our topic of discussion was a book called Four Blood Moons by John Hagee, apparently it tops the Christian Best Seller list in the U.S.
It entwines science, astronomy and history with the underlying message that every time there is a blood moon a historic event for Jerusalem takes place. Until I read this book I did not understand the significance of Jerusalem and the Jewish nation but its value is beyond imagination.
Four Blood Moons is a fascinating book and apparently it is walking off the book shelves in Christian bookstores worldwide!
It is exciting, invigorating but downright scary when John Hagee describes the events of the Tribulation. Naturally, that got me thinking about what I am doing to get my loved ones into the kingdom of God so they won't have to spend seven years in torment and darkness.
When I got home at 9:30pm I sat next to my boyfriend and asked him if he had accepted Jesus into his heart. He said that he probably had when he was a child but could not remember and I replied.
"Do you want to invite him into your heart now, just to be on the safe side?"
"Not yet." He answered.
"Think about it, the end is coming." I urged him and left it at that.
I know that sounds dramatic and coming across as fear-based, now that I think back on it I wish I had not worded it like that - I know it sounds off-putting to non-Believers but I could not think of any other way to emphasise the urgency and desperation I felt, I know that when I go home to be with God I want to see my loved ones there.
Lately I have been wrestling with inner demons of worthlessness, self doubt and worrying about the future. Sort of like a "How do I get from here to there?" "How long will it take?" "How am I going to pay off those bills?" "I feel like I am failure." "I'm dragging A. and my family down with me."
"I have no idea what to do to fix this problem." "Nobody is going to hire me, what do I know?"
Ya-da-ya-da-ya! Then I have to correct myself saying "You are on a life long journey, just live in the moment." When I was on the verge of tears last week God told me that my contribution to the world was worth more than what I had in my bank account. When I realised that all those awful voices screamed and ran for the hills! I love those moments when I can hear God speak truth from my heart!
Now whenever those negative voices make a reappearance and try to tell me lies I say in my mind.
"In the name of Jesus I cast you out." It sounds totally kooky and whack, but it works!
I know I have a long way to go until I am where I want to be, but where ever I am on the mountain; whether I am at the bottom, half-way up or standing at the top relishing the victory; I'm going to enjoy the view.
I was reading a book today called "Becoming Myself - Embracing God's Dream of You" by Stasi Eldredge and every word she had written on those pages felt like they were being poured over my heart and like a sponge it absorbed every inch of the book. Words of wisdom, compassion, love and empathy but the bottom line is she described the way God feels about us. No matter how ourselves or others perceive us by our words, actions and past God loves us with a passion which will forever endure.
Although I do not know what my future looks like, I know that God has a plan for my life.
Although I don't know what I am capable of, God does.
Although I am scared, God is fierce and courageous; therefore I will be.
On a happy note, this Wednesday is my birthday and I will be turning 25. (Yikes!)
Four marvellous things are happening.
1. My best friend who is visiting from Cairns is coming over to keep me company on my birthday.
2. Birthday dinner with family.
3. Disney marathon with another friend.
4. Friday - seeing two movies in one day! (Lucky me!)
I hope you all have a fantastic week and are blessed beyond measure!
Love, Sarah x
I am sorry I have not written anything for awhile, to be honest I did not know what to write about.
However, a few weeks ago I decided to return to childcare and the first place I went to was - guess where? My old work. I have applied for a casual position there but I am also considering other childcare centres to put my resume in because as you know, casual hours sort of ebb and flow.
Also I am currently doing volunteer work in my church café on Fridays and love it so much that if I don't get a shift I feel somewhat deprive!. I enjoy working alongside three girls I have become quite close to and I love going home smelling like coffee-beans!
The skills I am sl-ow-ly acquiring give me a sense of fulfilment and anchor a glimmer of hope that there is a future for me in the work industry, I just have to find my niche.
I still want my book café dream but I have accepted that for now I need to stick with my current skill set and to my delight, I don't mind at all! I love children, God knew that we'd need reasons to laugh when we grew up so he gave us children so we could learn valuable attributes such as patience, unconditional acceptance, love and how to be good leaders.
I really hope that I will be a good Mum one day to my kids and raise them to run after Jesus, encourage them to chase their dreams and tell them that you cannot be afraid of life and tip-toe through it like I have done.
What else has happened?
I have lost two kilos.
I entered a poetry competition - fingers crossed I win the $300!
After watching somebody cook Coke on the stove and it turning to black, muddy sludge I gave up Coke for good. It's been five weeks and I no longer crave it. Yay!
I have been writing like crazy and sending query letters to publishers.
Playing house - cleaning, cooking, etc.
I have crushed my addiction to day time television, opting for an hour at the library instead.
Just to be clear, there is nothing wrong with day time television - but in my case I was beginning to organise my daily schedule around it and not getting as much as I wanted to done.
About five years ago I was at a Landmark Seminar and one of the ushers once told me.
"Time never stops, we run out of time." Now I understand what he meant, we can use our time productive or counter-productively but if we strike out we could miss an opportunity we didn't even know was there until it passed us by. That's real deep, I know!
On Thursday night I had a book-club meeting and our topic of discussion was a book called Four Blood Moons by John Hagee, apparently it tops the Christian Best Seller list in the U.S.
It entwines science, astronomy and history with the underlying message that every time there is a blood moon a historic event for Jerusalem takes place. Until I read this book I did not understand the significance of Jerusalem and the Jewish nation but its value is beyond imagination.
Four Blood Moons is a fascinating book and apparently it is walking off the book shelves in Christian bookstores worldwide!
It is exciting, invigorating but downright scary when John Hagee describes the events of the Tribulation. Naturally, that got me thinking about what I am doing to get my loved ones into the kingdom of God so they won't have to spend seven years in torment and darkness.
When I got home at 9:30pm I sat next to my boyfriend and asked him if he had accepted Jesus into his heart. He said that he probably had when he was a child but could not remember and I replied.
"Do you want to invite him into your heart now, just to be on the safe side?"
"Not yet." He answered.
"Think about it, the end is coming." I urged him and left it at that.
I know that sounds dramatic and coming across as fear-based, now that I think back on it I wish I had not worded it like that - I know it sounds off-putting to non-Believers but I could not think of any other way to emphasise the urgency and desperation I felt, I know that when I go home to be with God I want to see my loved ones there.
Lately I have been wrestling with inner demons of worthlessness, self doubt and worrying about the future. Sort of like a "How do I get from here to there?" "How long will it take?" "How am I going to pay off those bills?" "I feel like I am failure." "I'm dragging A. and my family down with me."
"I have no idea what to do to fix this problem." "Nobody is going to hire me, what do I know?"
Ya-da-ya-da-ya! Then I have to correct myself saying "You are on a life long journey, just live in the moment." When I was on the verge of tears last week God told me that my contribution to the world was worth more than what I had in my bank account. When I realised that all those awful voices screamed and ran for the hills! I love those moments when I can hear God speak truth from my heart!
Now whenever those negative voices make a reappearance and try to tell me lies I say in my mind.
"In the name of Jesus I cast you out." It sounds totally kooky and whack, but it works!
I know I have a long way to go until I am where I want to be, but where ever I am on the mountain; whether I am at the bottom, half-way up or standing at the top relishing the victory; I'm going to enjoy the view.
I was reading a book today called "Becoming Myself - Embracing God's Dream of You" by Stasi Eldredge and every word she had written on those pages felt like they were being poured over my heart and like a sponge it absorbed every inch of the book. Words of wisdom, compassion, love and empathy but the bottom line is she described the way God feels about us. No matter how ourselves or others perceive us by our words, actions and past God loves us with a passion which will forever endure.
Although I do not know what my future looks like, I know that God has a plan for my life.
Although I don't know what I am capable of, God does.
Although I am scared, God is fierce and courageous; therefore I will be.
On a happy note, this Wednesday is my birthday and I will be turning 25. (Yikes!)
Four marvellous things are happening.
1. My best friend who is visiting from Cairns is coming over to keep me company on my birthday.
2. Birthday dinner with family.
3. Disney marathon with another friend.
4. Friday - seeing two movies in one day! (Lucky me!)
I hope you all have a fantastic week and are blessed beyond measure!
Love, Sarah x
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