Out of Love

Sometimes the things we find hardest to forgive are what other people have done out of love for us. There have been times in my life, (as I am sure there has been for you too) situations where the decision that you could have made for yourself was taken away from you. You may have been told it was in the name of your best interest or some other vague reason though it sure as hell doesn't feel like it at the time or at best, you spend months, even years, hurting over a choice that somebody else made for you that was the opposite of what your heart desired. At the time you may have felt too hopeless to do anything, you may have been too young, you might not have been strong or brave enough to go against a decision that was made by somebody else about a choice that you feel should have been yours. The grief, anger and disappointment we feel weighs heavily on our minds and in that head space we look for somebody to blame. Who would be a better candidate than the ones we feel are responsible for our pain and in the name of love took away a choice we feel we should have had? It does not matter whether it was a recent thing or years ago, if it hurts the same as it did back then then that is an indicator that we need to search our hearts for answers so we can truly heal. I used to push away this pain, block it out so I did not feel it but that was a band-aid solution until I was strong enough to dig deep into my soul and feel I needed to learn. This is what I learnt from being in that place. 1) Nothing is lost in the eyes of God. What is taken from us will be given back ten times over, what we are meant to have will come back to us in its original form or in a different way. 2) Empathy and understanding for the person/s and the situation they were in when they made that choice on your behalf. 3) If you still share a close bond with that person/people ask them why. This is a really difficult conversation to have but if you can come from a place of love and earnesty you might be surprised to hear their explanation. A bit of a backstory here, I recently asked a loved one about why they broke my heart with a decision they made that should have been mine and that loved one could not remember the how or when. Initially I was angered by this. How could they take away a choice from me and forget something I have never forgotten? And that was when I took full responsbility for what happend because I gave away my power and allowed this person, in the name of love, to make a decision concerning my happiness. Now I can say with a truthful heart that I forgive them, not because they apologised for something they cannot remember but because I did the grieving so I could heal. 4) Gratitude. How can you be grateful for the hurt somebody consciously made you feel in the wake of taking away your choice? We learn not to give away our power and fight harder. We become stronger, wiser and instead of listening to the voices on the outside we listen to the voice within. 5) Forgive Yourself The person you will find the hardest to forgive is yourself regardless of whether it was truly your fault or not. You will go through the vicious cycle of self-blame. "If only I did this." "If only I knew that." "If I knew then what I know now, whatever it took I would have taken a stronger stand." This is the part of healing that hurts the most, forgiving yourself for the actions you did not take and the things you never said. You have to forgive yourself to heal yourself. There is a wise quote that I stumbled across a few times the past couple of months. "It was only meant to be a life-lesson, not a life-sentence." 6) Think About Your Life Now Say you were able to make your choice back then, you took that stand and won. What would your life look like? Would you have gone on to have the experiences you've had and met the people who are in your life now? It's kind of hard to imagine, isn't it? Yet if you have been able to grow as a person and you look at your life now and feel in your heart that nothing is missing, then perhaps that event was the catalyst for what was meant to be. 7) Share Your Story Talking to someone or a few key people you trust to tell your story to will help relieve your heart of the hurt that is weighing you down. Also, you might feel called to tell someone and find you either have something in common or you can help them stand by a choice which they have made that others doubt. Your testimony may help somebody who is sitting for the same test you were once given and your story will help them succeed, it is a rewarding, bittersweet feeling. 8) Always Remember... Sometimes it is better to ask for forgiveness rather than a blessing. This is your life, you were born with free will. Stand your ground and believe in yourself to make decisions about your life because you are the author of your own story and you hold the pen that writes your fate. 9) Second Chances When a second chance comes along to follow your heart, stay true to that because this is God blessing you. If it is something that brings you joy and fulfilment beyond anything you have ever known, don't allow anyone to take it even in the name of good intentions. 10) Choose Happiness As mentioned above, "It was meant to be a life-lesson,not a life sentence". Don't dwell on those lost chances, opportunities and dreams. Have gratitude for the lesson because it brought you into the here and now, celebrate the choices you have made that you are proud of, cherish what is yours and choose happiness. Because you deserve it, darling. All my love, - Sarah x "My mother always said that the things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end. Although not always in the way we expect." - Luna Lovegood