Who The True Friends Are

2017 was a helluva great year, it heralded the count-down for my walk down the aisle and saying yes to the man I love for as long as I live. It was the year when I realised what really mattered and who really mattered. This was such a difficult lesson for me to learn because I didn't know those things.

But as that year went by, day after day and month after month - I learnt about cherishing the simple things because that was all I could really afford. 

I watered the garden, I did art projects and I learnt to surround myself with people who can truly appreciate me as I am. Our friendships are so important, they are supposed to make us feel safe and happy and to help us gain courage to take on the challenges that life holds.

 When we are surrounded by friends who make us stronger, braver and happier then our lives are enriched despite what we are going through. 

I find that focusing my time, energy and love on people who give it back is a must.

I have learnt that if you let people into your space who put you down one minute and are nice as pie the next, it will always make you feel isolated, sad and confused about who you are as a person.
Sometimes a bit of distance clarifies the looking-glass and makes you see things clearly.

People spend a lot of time thinking about appearances, how something looks - whether it is right or not. In a bid to keep the peace at family events and in friendship circles - adults pretend not to notice concealed jabs and move on like nothing happened.
I recently read an article called "Girls and their Frenemies" by Linda Stade and one of the tactics used to intimidate was Relational Aggression.

In the pilot episode of Pretty Little Liars, Emily says "I like Beyonce's new video."
"Maybe a little too much, Em?" replies Alison, the mean-girl of the group.
Emily likes girls and Alison knows that.
The other girls in the group don't know what to make of what Alison says and Emily is stunned, before she can reply the conversation moves on. Even if Emily wanted to say something she couldn't because Alison is the "it" girl at school and the leader of this group. Going up against someone like Alison is not a war Emily can win and she knows that, even though it stings she stays.

Relational Aggression is a sneaky tactic with the intention of manipulating the receiver into silence so they can't confront the speaker without looking petty.
Over the past five years, I have been bullied in exactly that way.
I felt like I was going crazy and that was when I started watching videos on YOUTUBE.
There was one video that really resonated with me, it's called "8 Signs of a Toxic Friendship" with Sharon Livingston on TED. After watching that video I felt relieved that this kind of alienation was more common that I thought.

I obsessed over what would be the right way to handle it and I inwardly wrestled with three options, weighing the pro's and con's of each.
There's the good ol' straight shooter and risk my relationships with others, suffer in silence and then there is live and let be.

Live and let be gives you the choice to be at peace with yourself and the people who have hurt you.
It means that you can move on and nurture new friendships, go different places and be happy with who you are. A true friend is there in every season of your life - whether its sunshine or storm, whether you are happy or feeling like shit - a true friend will always believe in the best of you, encourage you and make you laugh.

Spending time with friends who are true in word and deed has helped me grow as a person this past year and four months. I have become more stronger, happier and confident; simply by being with people who believe in the best of me and make me want to shine brighter.

Do not settle for friendships that make you feel less than what you are.
 Do not feel as though you should stay in a friendships where you feel belittled, ashamed and confused.

Instead, go after friends that lift your spirits, who make you feel happy even after you have spent time with them and whether you are out at dinner or Netflixing; you always feel welcome.