The Fireside Wife - Part One: Relationships

Fire is like any kind of relationship; whether it be family, a friend or a spouse.
Relationships can burn bright for a time but without mutual respect, attention and love that fire is reduced to a glowing ember. Over the past two and a half weeks, I have learnt three ways that a fire can die.

1) When a fire is not tended as it starts to smoke, the chances of it being fanned back to life in the last moments are almost nil. A fire that is not tended begins to smoke, a distress signal that tells us that the fire needs fanning and more kindling to keep it alive.

2) When we do not give fire room to breathe and smother it with too much kindling, it begins to smoke. Because we think that is what it needs and overwhelm it with our good intentions, the top the fire is burning out quickly but underneath the fire is trying to burn its way through the kindling. Which means that we need to gently rearrange the kindling to the side so the fire has room to breathe.

3) When we light a fire in a space that is too small to contain it, it will burn out quicker. 
In order to burn happy and bright, fires need space so they can burn at their full strength.
If we put a fire in a small-ish ceremic pot (guilty) and are wondering why the fire is burning out within fifteen minutes (guilty, again) then we get frustrated because no matter what we feed it the fire is still burning out. People are like fires, they won't burn bright and long in small confines.

So if we apply these analogies to our relationships, whatever they are and whoever they are with - it really gives us something to think about. All of us make mistakes in relationships, sometimes we do not realise it until we see the fire begin to smoke rather than burn.

If we think of our loved ones as fires, what does each fire need?
Does a fire need igniting?
 More fanning?
More kindling?
A light dousing of water to stop it from getting out of control?

Whenever I have made a fire, I know that I take responsibility for its care.
I cannot leave it unattended because the fire needs me to give it sustenance to burn and if it gets out of control I have to be on hand to put it out. The only time I will walk away from a fire is when I see that it won't catch light again and that is a philosophy that I have applied to my relationships as well.

Sometimes life happens and the fire is doused with rain and then it is up to two people whether they want to light the fire again. Either way, life goes on and there are more fires to tend.
With every fire, we learn what they need to thrive and become more competent at managing them.

Earlier tonight I learnt another thing about fires. Where you position yourself around the fire is important. If the wind carries the smoke in your direction, move downwind!

In conclusion, to all of my beautiful readers.
May the fire in your soul burn happy and bright, every day of your life.

- SJW.