Reality Check!
LIFE
It is 12:55pm on Friday and I am already exhausted because I have been up since 5:30am, riding buses since 6:30am zig-zagging across the southern suburbs and Logan.
I am going to be honest, today I am not my usual happy-go-lucky self.
Infact, I am the opposite.
This past week has been a big faith test that I feel like I have been failing miserably.
I have had a snarky, evil voice in my mind telling me that I should re-think the Christian thing and tell me that God doesn't really care about me.
I feel yuck. Like this poisonous, thick sludge has just crept into my body is dragging me down with my thoughts. So now that I have said that, I'm going to say something else.
I'm not going to let this beat me.
I'm going go to bed tonight, say thanks to God and wake up to the blessings that tomorrow will bring.
LOVE
A. is AMAZING, STRONG, BEAUTIFUL. Everything I have ever wanted but never thought I'd get.
I can't picture my life without him in it. He's my life-mate and my best friend.
Today I listened to Avril Lavigne's "Keep Holding On" and thought of us.
(Cue Awwwwww!)
& THE EVERYDAY
Being a dreamer and romantic has made me stronger and wiser.
But I have to admit, I am a little disappointed that I haven't done much with the last nine years of my life other than complete courses.
When I was seventeen and just out of high school I pictured a somewhat different reality than the one I am living now.
I kind of thought that I would have done a little bit more with my life.
Like my writing career. I actually thought that by the age of twenty-five I would be the next J.K Rowling, earning enough royalties to buy a house overlooking the ocean which belonged on a magazine centrefold and a wardrobe which would make the Olsen sisters weep.
I even carried around a mental check-list until the other day, when I realised that life isn't like a shopping list where you can look down and see the next item.
My sister *Victoria, ever my voice of reason, told me something in her own matter-of-fact way that made me see that my perception of success and happiness were out of touch with reality.
That nobody 'had it together' at this age, that I am still quite young and I had been setting myself up to fail by putting so many expectations on myself and the warped idea I had of success.
And that made me think about what I thought success was which makes me feel silly thinking about it now.
So now that I have shredded the mental check-list and any idea of what I thought success was - things will happen just the way they are meant to. Maybe success is a state of mind.
I guess at the age of twenty-five, going on twenty-six with an average of seventy years in front of me - there is plenty of time for me to re-form my definition of success based on what I known and experienced, not what I have seen on the big screen or in magazines.
It is 12:55pm on Friday and I am already exhausted because I have been up since 5:30am, riding buses since 6:30am zig-zagging across the southern suburbs and Logan.
I am going to be honest, today I am not my usual happy-go-lucky self.
Infact, I am the opposite.
This past week has been a big faith test that I feel like I have been failing miserably.
I have had a snarky, evil voice in my mind telling me that I should re-think the Christian thing and tell me that God doesn't really care about me.
I feel yuck. Like this poisonous, thick sludge has just crept into my body is dragging me down with my thoughts. So now that I have said that, I'm going to say something else.
I'm not going to let this beat me.
I'm going go to bed tonight, say thanks to God and wake up to the blessings that tomorrow will bring.
LOVE
A. is AMAZING, STRONG, BEAUTIFUL. Everything I have ever wanted but never thought I'd get.
I can't picture my life without him in it. He's my life-mate and my best friend.
Today I listened to Avril Lavigne's "Keep Holding On" and thought of us.
(Cue Awwwwww!)
& THE EVERYDAY
Being a dreamer and romantic has made me stronger and wiser.
But I have to admit, I am a little disappointed that I haven't done much with the last nine years of my life other than complete courses.
When I was seventeen and just out of high school I pictured a somewhat different reality than the one I am living now.
I kind of thought that I would have done a little bit more with my life.
Like my writing career. I actually thought that by the age of twenty-five I would be the next J.K Rowling, earning enough royalties to buy a house overlooking the ocean which belonged on a magazine centrefold and a wardrobe which would make the Olsen sisters weep.
I even carried around a mental check-list until the other day, when I realised that life isn't like a shopping list where you can look down and see the next item.
My sister *Victoria, ever my voice of reason, told me something in her own matter-of-fact way that made me see that my perception of success and happiness were out of touch with reality.
That nobody 'had it together' at this age, that I am still quite young and I had been setting myself up to fail by putting so many expectations on myself and the warped idea I had of success.
And that made me think about what I thought success was which makes me feel silly thinking about it now.
So now that I have shredded the mental check-list and any idea of what I thought success was - things will happen just the way they are meant to. Maybe success is a state of mind.
I guess at the age of twenty-five, going on twenty-six with an average of seventy years in front of me - there is plenty of time for me to re-form my definition of success based on what I known and experienced, not what I have seen on the big screen or in magazines.
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