When Love Hurts

"When love hurts..." these three words came to me one morning as I was deciding which yummy treat buy at my local bakery. I had just had an epiphany about the courage it takes to love other people, especially when they have hurt us. Not just in the romantic sense but with family and friendships as well. We're all human and although we are powerful beings in our own right when it comes to endurance and strength, anything can happen at anytime which is why while we are here, we need to leave a legacy of love that can still be felt even after we are gone. And to those we leave behind, they will feel that love so much that it will make their heart hurt in those moments when they miss us. That is the price we pay when we love people, whether they are gone from this world or gone from our lives. All of these things can make us feel some really intense emotions. Hurt, anger, heart-broken, numb, sadness and powerless. This is when love hurts. There may be a period of time when we don't want to feel the weight of those heavy emotions. We shut ourselves away to grieve, we give ourselves permission to cry and feel the hurt and anger, the injustice of it all. Then when we are ready, we move on with hope that we will meet people who can help us heal. To some degree, they can - but we are the ones who need to open the door for them and be willing to try again with a clean slate, to take another chance with what we know and who we have become from previous experience. What is incredibly amazing about being human is how resilient we are when it comes to loving others. Just when we think we cannot love to that extent again, we are proven wrong because it is in our nature to love and be loved. It may not be the same kind of love or relationship with every person you meet because you will love them differently. It is not less and it is not more. It just is. That being said, we can't find just anyone to fill the holes others have left behind. And we cannot rely on anybody to make us happy. Only we can do that by seeing ourselves as we are, our worth, our talents, our quirks and downfalls. Love is the cause of a broken heart and only love can mend it Because harboring resentment cannot give us freedom, it is a deterrent of moving forward and being happy; making us prisoners of our pasts and circumstances. As Queen Elizabeth II so wisely said. "Grief is the price of love." There are times when we wish that we don't care when we have been hurt by love - I think it would be like wishing away our humanity. To feel love is one of the most beautiful gifts that God gave to humans. Sure, it feels lousy at the time when you feel heartbroken and ugly crying so much you look like Dobby the House Elf. But it would be worse to not have loved at all. Even now - knowing what I know; the people I have loved - I would not change anything, because loving them has made me who I am. I will carry the scars of that love for a long time. There will be moments when I will remember what was and feel sadness that it is gone. We are here to love, to learn lessons from it. What we can take and what we can't, what we can live with and what we won't. It's our choice. We can let love heal what is hurt, or we can let the pain make us bitter. I choose to let love heal, time will take care of the rest. Heart-break is a sensation I know well. That feeling like the two halves of your heart are on both sides of your chest and both halves feel like they are on fire. When somebody we love hurts us that's why we grieve for the time that was and the future we thought we would have with them vanishes like smoke. It is the most agonizing feeling next to losing a loved one to the inevitable final departure from earth. There have been times in my life when I have wished that I did not love so deeply. But from that lesson I learnt not to trust so implicitly and to be more guarded. I think that is just a sign that comes with maturity though, you love what is good for you and who is good for you. As we are going through that grieving process, we feel sadness, anger, acceptance, hope and despair and then the cycle continues until it has run its course. We go on. We live. We breathe. We love. We celebrate. We mourn. Time takes away the stinging pain of a broken heart and as we move from one chapter of our lives into another, we understand why things could not turn out the way we had hoped. We also know that time and the right people will bring healing, to soothe the heart ache and make peace with what was. Last week I learnt something about time, it keeps moving forward and every day will bring us new hope, new perspective and new challenges. We won't always be angry and sad about the things that have passed - because it is inevitable that as the years go by, we will be grieving for other reasons and be angry about other things. "It was my understanding that one loved only once. I am happy to be wrong." - Harriet Smith, 'Emma' by Jane Austen.