What My Mother Did
This morning I went to church for the first time in about four months.
It hasn't been because I haven't wanted to, there have just been big changes shaking up my world and I was waiting for the dust to settle. But I woke up this morning with a strong, clear conviction to go to Hillsong Church just down the road from me. When I think about it now it seems appropriate because back in August 2010 the same feeling arose one Thursday morning...let me tell you about that.
My Mum had been going to church there for three months and back then I was strongly opposed to all churches because of the way Mum had been treated at my childhood church.
Mum had run the children's church and facilitated the youth camps and she did amazing job but didn't get the recognition and respect from other members of the church board for the long hours she did, when she would say no they would quote Bible scriptures to make her feel guilty so she would do what they asked. That's one sure way to lose people in a congregation!
As a child what that experience taught me was that churches sucked you dry and spat you out when you were no longer useful to them, that the big people would talk and you would listen.
Over the years I still prayed, I knew God was there even when I was doing my own thing - I was afraid that if I walked into church the same thing would happen and I would no longer have control over my life. I also thought that it would be another life style that was fleeting and temporary like our brief stints in Buddhism and New Age. (It's taken me years not to feel guilty for swatting ants, roaches and spiders!) I read Angel reading cards and Tarot, had crystals but none of that told me anything that filled a void that everyday was growing bigger. So imagine my surprise when Mum told our family that she had gone back to church and she and I had a huge argument about it.
We bickered, we settled and it was each to their own for awhile.
But I started noticing that when Mum came home she wasn't upset or exhausted, she was happy.
Even still I was sceptical but one morning Mum was walking down the stairs to go to church and in my heart a voice whispered 'It's time to come home.'
And I went there with my guard up, I was just going to see how they treated Mum and come straight home with no commitment to anything - no way in hell was I going to be one of those 'happy clappers' that I thought were just in it for hype and money.
We went to The Sisterhood morning service and I saw something totally different from what I had known as a child. It wasn't just the way the lights flashed, or the music that moved me in a way that I had not felt in a long time. It was the women who embraced my mother, embraced me and said "Welcome". During the service I listened, I can't remember exactly what was said but it moved me to tears and when Pastor Rachel asked the audience whether they wanted to accept Jesus into their lives to raise their hands - mine was one of the first in the air. At that point I didn't know whether I could let God have full rein over my life, how could I love God without being a door-mat to people's expectations?
Over the past five years - (OMGOSH - it's been that long?!) I have learnt so much about God that I didn't know as a child - that he loves me the same way that my Mum loves me - infinitely and unconditionally even when I make mistakes, even the times that I have hurt her.
A Mother's love is the most forgiving of all, it's like wet clay - no matter how hard you pound it, or break it apart - it's still strong and moulds back in place. And for me, that is the way that I learned just how strong God's love for me is.
After the service today I stood for awhile and chatted with friends that I know from my church.
They have a small daughter who was drawing on a chalk-board and because I'm a big kid (hello, childcare!) I asked her if I could play and when she said yes, I said "You be the teacher and I'll be the student." Her eyes lit up and together we did sums, math isn't my strong suit but I had an excellent teacher!
When I came home earlier today, I sat down and remembered all the things that my Mum used to do to shape me and my sisters into who we are today.
She would think of really fun activities for us to do, she told us stories about growing up in her rural Kin-Kin, she brought the three of us girls our own pot troughs so we could grow flowers and every morning we did Bible study and she narrated the stories with felt book and characters.
It was a really beautiful childhood and Christian foundation that she gave us and I hope that when I'm a Mum, I'll be able to give those things to my kids to carry with them always.
Because that is what my Mother did.
I wish I could say that We All Lived Happily Ever After, that I said and did all the right things in my Christian walk- I haven't always been the best daughter, the best sister, the best girlfriend or the best friend - and that's on me. But last year Mum and I had a really good talk and she says to me.
"Sarah, I have always loved you. But in the past couple of years I actually like who you've turned out to be." and what do you know? That was one of the things that we were in complete agreement on!
And one thing that I have never told my Mum is "Thankyou for helping me get right with God. Because not only do I know who I am, I know where I'm going."
The other thing is something that I have told her many times before. "I love you, Mum."
Before I go I want to share what Pastor Rachel said five years ago before she asked me and the women on that August morning in 2010 whether we wanted to accept God into our hearts.
She quoted Romans 10:9 "If you confess with your mouth "Jesus is Lord" and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead. You will be saved."
That's where I'll leave you today.
Have a great week!
- Sarah xx
It hasn't been because I haven't wanted to, there have just been big changes shaking up my world and I was waiting for the dust to settle. But I woke up this morning with a strong, clear conviction to go to Hillsong Church just down the road from me. When I think about it now it seems appropriate because back in August 2010 the same feeling arose one Thursday morning...let me tell you about that.
My Mum had been going to church there for three months and back then I was strongly opposed to all churches because of the way Mum had been treated at my childhood church.
Mum had run the children's church and facilitated the youth camps and she did amazing job but didn't get the recognition and respect from other members of the church board for the long hours she did, when she would say no they would quote Bible scriptures to make her feel guilty so she would do what they asked. That's one sure way to lose people in a congregation!
As a child what that experience taught me was that churches sucked you dry and spat you out when you were no longer useful to them, that the big people would talk and you would listen.
Over the years I still prayed, I knew God was there even when I was doing my own thing - I was afraid that if I walked into church the same thing would happen and I would no longer have control over my life. I also thought that it would be another life style that was fleeting and temporary like our brief stints in Buddhism and New Age. (It's taken me years not to feel guilty for swatting ants, roaches and spiders!) I read Angel reading cards and Tarot, had crystals but none of that told me anything that filled a void that everyday was growing bigger. So imagine my surprise when Mum told our family that she had gone back to church and she and I had a huge argument about it.
We bickered, we settled and it was each to their own for awhile.
But I started noticing that when Mum came home she wasn't upset or exhausted, she was happy.
Even still I was sceptical but one morning Mum was walking down the stairs to go to church and in my heart a voice whispered 'It's time to come home.'
And I went there with my guard up, I was just going to see how they treated Mum and come straight home with no commitment to anything - no way in hell was I going to be one of those 'happy clappers' that I thought were just in it for hype and money.
We went to The Sisterhood morning service and I saw something totally different from what I had known as a child. It wasn't just the way the lights flashed, or the music that moved me in a way that I had not felt in a long time. It was the women who embraced my mother, embraced me and said "Welcome". During the service I listened, I can't remember exactly what was said but it moved me to tears and when Pastor Rachel asked the audience whether they wanted to accept Jesus into their lives to raise their hands - mine was one of the first in the air. At that point I didn't know whether I could let God have full rein over my life, how could I love God without being a door-mat to people's expectations?
Over the past five years - (OMGOSH - it's been that long?!) I have learnt so much about God that I didn't know as a child - that he loves me the same way that my Mum loves me - infinitely and unconditionally even when I make mistakes, even the times that I have hurt her.
A Mother's love is the most forgiving of all, it's like wet clay - no matter how hard you pound it, or break it apart - it's still strong and moulds back in place. And for me, that is the way that I learned just how strong God's love for me is.
After the service today I stood for awhile and chatted with friends that I know from my church.
They have a small daughter who was drawing on a chalk-board and because I'm a big kid (hello, childcare!) I asked her if I could play and when she said yes, I said "You be the teacher and I'll be the student." Her eyes lit up and together we did sums, math isn't my strong suit but I had an excellent teacher!
When I came home earlier today, I sat down and remembered all the things that my Mum used to do to shape me and my sisters into who we are today.
She would think of really fun activities for us to do, she told us stories about growing up in her rural Kin-Kin, she brought the three of us girls our own pot troughs so we could grow flowers and every morning we did Bible study and she narrated the stories with felt book and characters.
It was a really beautiful childhood and Christian foundation that she gave us and I hope that when I'm a Mum, I'll be able to give those things to my kids to carry with them always.
Because that is what my Mother did.
I wish I could say that We All Lived Happily Ever After, that I said and did all the right things in my Christian walk- I haven't always been the best daughter, the best sister, the best girlfriend or the best friend - and that's on me. But last year Mum and I had a really good talk and she says to me.
"Sarah, I have always loved you. But in the past couple of years I actually like who you've turned out to be." and what do you know? That was one of the things that we were in complete agreement on!
And one thing that I have never told my Mum is "Thankyou for helping me get right with God. Because not only do I know who I am, I know where I'm going."
The other thing is something that I have told her many times before. "I love you, Mum."
Before I go I want to share what Pastor Rachel said five years ago before she asked me and the women on that August morning in 2010 whether we wanted to accept God into our hearts.
She quoted Romans 10:9 "If you confess with your mouth "Jesus is Lord" and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead. You will be saved."
That's where I'll leave you today.
Have a great week!
- Sarah xx
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