Life, Love and the Everyday

"Life holds few distinctions, my dear. But I think we may safely boast that here sit two of the silliest girls in England." - Mr. Bennett, Pride & Prejudice. Mr. Bennett was wrong, life holds distinctions every other day - and silly girls don't just exist in England. Out of all the Bennett girls in Pride & Prejudice, I can relate to Lydia the best. She was a hard-core dreamer and romantic, just like I was at fifteen. That didn't change - until today when something just clicked in my brain; it sounded like one of those game show buzzers and I felt the ringing vibration in my ears like I do whenever I have a great idea or revelation. In this particular case it was a revelation as clear as a Swarvoski crystal. Dreaming is awesome but it can be disheartening when you are in your head so much that you cannot reconcile dreams with reality. And maybe that is why I feel like I am on the rat-wheel, why I felt torn between my passion and my dream....

I may seem happy-go-lucky and usually, I am. I have goals, visions and dreams about the kind of person I want to be - which is brave, strong, competent and confident, successful and happy. I know that I am strong and happy. But the rest of my "I want to be..." list is still a work in progress. Right now I feel like I am running on a rat wheel which keeps me running faster and faster, I don't know to bring that rat wheel down to a more manageable speed, or if I am running hard enough to keep the rat wheel turning. I'll be honest with you, sometimes it feels like I am not really getting anywhere at all. I know that sounds pathetically melodramatic, I have been accused of being a drama queen more than once. I kind of have this fear that things will stay the same - and I know they will, if I don't play my part to change them. I don't want to stay on the Rat Wheel anymore, I want to run along the path that I created for myself, brick by brick. And I know what ...